Waiting....

I'm waiting.
Waiting in a doctor's office waiting room.
I've never been very good about waiting.
It is especially difficult to wait when the whole purpose of the waiting room is to do nothin g but wait.
If I were in charge I wouldn't call it the waiting room. It just sets those of us up that hate waiting for a disappointing time.
I would call it the magazine room or the reading room.
Maybe the napping room or the tranquility room.
there is always the option of the fish aquarium room or if you want to be literal...
the sit by some stranger and hope you don't catch what they have room.

It doesn't matter what they call this room. I still have to wait.

Oh they called our name! Now we get to wait in the exam room.

Why do they have to call it the exam room?

Never mind...

Spirals...

I am just struggling right now.

I have a tendency to spiral down in my mood at times and today is one of those days.

I have felt it building the last few days and today it has hit me hard.

Over the years I have gotten better at recognizing this in my self and coping with it better, but I can't seem to prevent it.

I am just feeling incredibly down, sad, alone.

I am guessing it is brought on by the kids leaving, the constant pressure of fixing things here at work, the messy house I have waiting for me to get time to clean it, and no time to recover.

When I get this way my desire to run is strong. In years past, I had no place to go, except perhaps to the grocery store. But here in Oregon there are some great places to run to. Today the temptation to run to the coast or run to the mountains is strong.

It is hard not to leave my desk, get in my car, and run away even if only for an afternoon. When I talk about running away of course I don't mean it literally. I suppose what I am really talking about is I need an escape. I want to escape all of this, even escape myself and this dreary mood I find myself in.

But the responsible side of me is just as strong as my desire to run and I know I will stay until the work is done.
Well,
I will at least promise to be back at my desk after lunch.

I'm not sure when I will get time for the work at home.

Gifts

Gifts,
They come in all shapes, sizes, forms, and all manners of presentation.
I received many gifts through the holidays; clothes, a coat, scarf, books, future spa day, handmade crafts from my kids, and my most recent gift, an orchid.

The orchid was a gift from Samantha Dupuy. Sam is an exchange student from France studying architecture at UNL. She bravely came to Salem to spend her break with our crazy family. And she has survived.

Well, actually, she has more than just survived.
She has fit in quite well. We have enjoyed getting to know Sam, we have enjoyed her accent, and the way she plays board games with us even though she doesn't know all the words. She is a very good cook and we have enjoyed the french foods she has introduced to us.

Our family is a little bit bigger this year as we now include Sam as one of us.
I don't know if she will ever make it back to Salem, but our lives have been gifted by her presence and she will always be a part of us.

21 days...

It has been a great 21 days.

21 days of spending time with my adult children.
Some of this time was in Nebraska and much of it was spent here in Salem.
But regardless of where, it has been memorable.

It sometimes is difficult to go back and recall all the conversations, the laughter, the memories I thought I would always remember. Yet some things I can recall like a snapshot in my mind.

The holiday break this year is coming to a close as Aimee and Mike leave on Wednesday and Brad and Samantha leave on Thursday. We have had trips to Portland, the coast, Multnomah Falls, Silver Falls and a multitude of trips to the grocery store!

With a house filled with hungry kids on break we make trips to the store every day and sometimes multiple trips. But it is all worth it to have eight kids back in the house even if they aren't the same eight I started with. Sometimes we numbered 10 kids and on a number of occasions there were 15 of us for meals.

I have for the most part embraced the chaos. Only a couple of late nights did I have minor 'melt-downs'where I longed for a few minutes of peace and quiet, and found myself hiding in my room until someone sought me out to make dinner, watch another movie, or join in on the board game.

I have enjoyed family time with our kids and their friends as well as with my sister and her family.

At the end of this week I imagine I will be torn between missing the extra company and embracing the quiet routine of only four kids.

Quiet routine of only four kids....

Who am I kidding? There will still be chaos, just a different level of chaos!