Fitting in.

In this new life in Oregon I have been trying to fit in, trying to make friends, trying to find a place where I belong. Some times I feel comfortable, sometimes okay, but awkward, and other times I feel utterly displaced.

But I guess if I am to be honest with myself finding my place in this world has been a search of mine all my life. In my family, in school, in junior high, high school, young adulthood, in Kansas, in Nebraska, and now as a middle age mother of 8, grandmother of 1 in the middle of Salem, Oregon. My search continues.

Maybe I am never meant to fit in comfortably anywhere. Maybe it is in the searching that I am drawn to different places and different people. Maybe the search is the adventure I am meant to live.

Last night my adventure continued as I joined 7 other women whom I had never met. I was invited to attend a cooking class at an upscale restaurant with a group of ladies who were all friends. I was invited to fill an open spot. The invitation came my way from a mom of one of my daughter's friends. When she called with the invitation she said, "I heard you are a mom of 8 and I've never met anyone with that many kids. I think it would be fun to get to know you."

I usually prefer someone get to know me before I share how many children I have, but that is not always possible.

I was nervous about going. How to you go somewhere already knowing that you are the outsider, the novelty new person? But I braved the unknown and ventured out.
The evening was more than just interesting.
I'm not sure how to tell it in a blog so I will try to sum it up...

I arrived at my 'new friend's' home to find she had completely forgotten her invitation to me. And...
She was drunk as a skunk!
She asked if I minded driving... "absolutely not", I said.
When she landed on the floor trying to sit, I helped her back onto her stool pretending not to notice her intoxication.
I endured the stares and sideways glances from the prim and proper group. I can only imagine what they thought of me, this stange newcomer, who they never bothered to ask my name or how I came to be here with the drunken friend.
I tolerated the gasps and questions that came as I was introduced with, "She is new to town and oh, can you believe she has 8 kids!"
Then they proceeded to talk about me as if I wasn't there, all of them wondering aloud what it must be like to have eight kids.
I politely thanked them and left, taking my drunken host with me.

And I wonder why I don't fit in.
I am simply not meant to fit in and after last night I am glad I don't fit in, at least not with this group of ladies.