Mad, Sad, Glad or Afraid

I learned a long time ago that there are more feelings than the four we think of most often; Mad, Sad, Glad or Afraid.
Yet I continue to seem to act out in one of those four basic feelings most of the time.

Last night at the end of a long day I went to bed mad.
I was visibly and verbally upset and I let everyone in the house know it.
I was so mad I didn't even say my usual night time prayers.
And to make it worse. I didn't care.
I just wanted to be mad for a while.
I think I must be the only one that ever does this.
Or at least it feels like it.
Jeff asked me in a very nice way, "Are you mad"? I paused, thought about it, and said, "no". I knew it wasn't anger I was feeling although that was my reaction.

I woke up sometime around 2:00am and the mad-ness, the anger, had dissipated.
By 6:00am I was awake enough to begin thinking about my behavior and trying to sort out my feelings.
I needed to get down to how I really felt to understand my own reaction.

What I have come to recognize is that jealousy is not a very pretty feeling.
It leads to strong emotions that can lead to bad behavior.
And I should have known better.
When you add fatigue, body aches, and feelings of being unappreciated to jealousy...
Well let's just say I causes me to over react.

I was jealous that Jeff and the kids had time to relax, have fun, and share boundless laughter while I was paying bills.
Yuck!

And when I had finished and the kids set off for bed, I was left to clean up from dinner, pick up dirty socks, jackets, book bags, and scattered dishes. Add to all that was one of my pet peeves... empty beer bottles and pop cans left on the counter a mere 2.5 steps away from the recycling bin....
Well let's just say I ended up yelling, a lot.

So later this evening when we all gather back at home I will apologize and then explain.
And I will try to simply ask for help.

Family life. It seems simple, but it isn't always easy.