Uncertainty, confusion, wonder...

I have been feeling strange lately.
I don't know why.
I don't know how to define this strange feeling.
I don't know what has brought this on or how to get out of this.

I just find myself in a 'mood', a 'funk'.
Its a feeling that sometimes hits me out of now where and leads me feeling pissy, irritable and crabby.

I guess I just feel uncertain as to what is going on inside me.
I feel confused as to how to get out of a bad mood when I don't understand why I feel upset to begin with. And I wonder what to do or when to start this uphill climb out of a dark place.

In trying to deal with this I have just withdrawn. I don't engage with others as much. I spend more time alone. In doing so, I think I have been able to hide my bad mood from the kids and most people at work.

I just want to hole up and avoid people, and to a certain extent I have done that.
With Jeff gone this week it has been easier to just sit in my room and not interact much with anyone. But tomorrow I am supposed to spend the afternoon and evening with my sister in Portland.
Normally I would be excited for the opportunity the spend time doing about anything with Chris.
But tonight I find myself wishing I had an excuse to not go.

However, I also know that when the reclusive behavior in me gets this strong, that is the time I need to be around others.

I am looking forward to the museum, the button emporium, and/or bowling, whatever we decide to do.

And maybe after that I will shed this 'funk' I am in.