Memories of Kearney Jan 2010

Today was my first day back after being gone for a week.

We had a great time with family, friends, and especially our grandsons.

They grow so fast!
(Check out the pictures by clicking on the arrow next to the title Memories of Kearney Jan 2010 or by going to http://gallery.me.com/jbrownflash#100197)

We hated to leave, but we still have four kids at home and another daughter that needs some assistance.

It feels considerably different coming home and not feeling doubly stressed and challenged to handle the massive work load from both home and  a job.

I am thankful for that.

Especially as I have certainly had my hands full today with simply dealing with household details, and a minor death in the Brown family of automobiles.

We lost the 1989 Dodge Dynasty while we were away playing in the cold and snow of Nebraska.

It was a sad death for some of the family.

The Dynasty lived a good life, but was slowing down in recent months. 

I guess most would say it was a relatively slow death considering the Silver Bullet was over 20 years old.

We knew the transmission was slipping; slipping as if it could no longer remember how to shift from 2nd gear to 3rd.  Sometimes it couldn't remember how to go in reverse at all and we had to push it backwards.

Then it would remember and function properly for brief periods of time.

The Silver Bullet might have had a few more good years of transporting loved ones from place to place had I only had the resources to get it the kind of care it needed.

But there was no health coverage...

no health savings plan...

And no one would accept him into the garage without money up front.

So the undertaker will come and tow the Bullet off to the metal morgue and hope that some of its pieces can be transplanted into other suffering members of the Dodge family giving them new life.

Now I have to begin the healing process of sharing the goddess with Caroline, while Lindsey uses Ole Jimmy until we can venture into finding a new member and method of transportation for the family.

I am thinking Schwinn. 

Or maybe Vespa!

Late Nights and Long Conversations.

Last night was the latest i have been out on the town in years.
The conversations were long and loud, lively and filled with laughter!

I was the D.D. and it was fun to observe and record the night.
And its even nicer to wake up this morning and not feel any lasting adverse affects.

It will be interesting to see how Brad feels later this morning.

This afternoon we have an outing with the grandsons to the Big Apple Fun Center,
aka..."Booger Balls".

I anticipate this will also be loud, lively, and filled with laughter!

I can't wait!

Traveling to Nebraska

Well, not too much longer and our flight should begin boarding. We had a nice lunch at the Rogue here in PDX... And a couple beers!
So I feel ready for the next 20 hours of travel as I make my way to Kearney.



Cheers everyone!


-- Post From DWNTWN's iPhone

Nebraska in January!

I can hardly wait!

Cold Hands, Warm Hearts

Wednesday 29° | 11°

Thursday 22° | 2°

Friday 25° | 5°

Saturday 31° | 14°

It appears the weather in Kearney will be quite cold.

I hate being cold.  

Once I get chilled it takes me a long time to warm up.

My hands are especially difficult to keep warm.

When my hands get cold, my fingers go numb, and the touch screen on my phone won't even sense my touch.

But my heart is warm knowing I will soon get to see my daughter and her family!

So today I need to finish cleaning house, drag out the suitcase, find my big heavy coat, grab a  scarf or two, a pair of gloves, and a hat so I can be ready.

Because nothing will keep me away from you!

A year and a half ago, I found myself driving to Nebraska after my daughter had her second baby.  It is so hard to not be there when your child has her child.  I had to go! I wanted to help in whatever way I could.  On the drive I heard the song "1500 miles".  That is about how far it is from Salem to Kearney.  So it comes to mind each time I head to Nebraska to see my daughter.

I have so much to do,
It doesn’t mean a thing,
But just the thought of you,
Is enough to make me sing.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

1500 miles is not too far to go,
Just to make you smile,
Just to let you know,

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

And there isn’t anything,
In the whole world I can bring,
Any feeling close to being close to you

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

Merry-Go-Rounds & Teeter Totters

In my unemployed state, and my attempt to not become too housebound, I have decided to explore the many parks throughout Salem and Keizer.

My first exploration was of a very small park called Brush College about a mile from our house. 
It is tucked in a residential area that is quite wooded.

I have driven past the park a number of times since we moved to Salem barely noticing it existed.

As I said, it isn’t a large park, a shelter with some picnic tables, a play structure (see my previous blog), a merry-go-round, and a bit of open area, but not much else.

Brush College Park today looks as lonely as I am alone. 

There is not another soul here.



There isn’t much to explore so after shooting a few photos I take rest on the merry-go-round, one foot dangling over the side to give myself an occasional push.
I haven’t found myself on a merry-go-round in years, but it feels comfortable.


Being here makes me think back to my time at St. Patrick’s school in Wichita, and I do so with fondness.

Our Merry-go-round wasn’t like the one I find myself on today however.

Our school Merry-go-round was the old fashioned kind that you pushed from inside as your classmates sat on the outside wooden boards.

Most everyone took their turn at pushing. The best pushers were the ones who could push fast without losing their footing. Falling was dangerous as if you stood up at the wrong time you were sure to get clobbered in the head with the push bar.

Sometimes it was easier to roll out from under the structure although even then you were risking a black eye from getting kick by a rider.


As I look around at the monstrous play structure I realize the difference from the structures on my childhood playgrounds.  There used to be 4 basics items on most playgrounds, the merry-go-round, the swing set, the slide, and the Teeter Totters.  Maybe you grew up calling Teeter Totters ... Seesaws, but not me.

If you were lucky your playground slide had a hump in the middle for added excitement.

Nothing was painted colorfully.
Simple and basic gray was the color of the day.
I am sure this was to match the color of the concrete the structures were set in.

If the boy scouts needed a service project, the equipment might get a fresh coat of paint each summer. But it was obvious that our boy scouts were too busy with their newspaper drives to be painting swing sets, or teeter totters.

This made for a many splintered experience if you found yourself with someone of equal size to totter back and forth with.

Karen was my best friend in elementary school and made for the best partner on the Teeter Totter because we were about the same size. We both grew up quick and grew up tall, which for a girl in 4th grade is quite awkward. But we could balance out the teeter tooter well, letting out feet dangle in the air until they fell asleep and got all tingly.

I don’t know what year it was that Riverside Park in Wichita near my home was renovated and got new equipment.
But I remember marveling at the Rocket slide, how big it was, and how scary it could be when kids decided to climb to the top and try to shake it.

Riverside also had one of the geodesic climbing structures where you could hang upside down until all the blood rushed to your head.
But these structures were safely set in sand.

It was quite innovative at the time.
I remember taking Melissa and Brad there when they were little.
I wonder if they are still there today.

Regardless of what your playground looked like growing up, or what playgrounds look like today, I think the most important part of life is remember to make time to play.

What is HTML anyway?

I don't understand a lot about computers even though I understand more than most.
But What is HTML anyway?

I worked for 45 minutes on my last blog about one of the parks and playground equipment.
I had lots of colorful photos too.
But it wouldn't publish because I had some "Meta" something or other messed up.

So out of frustration I quit, deleted it all, and took a hot shower.

For today all you get are sticks and rocks.







But yesterday I found the mother load of heart shaped rocks, or at least what look like hearts to me.


Perhaps tomorrow I will tackle the story I really wanted to write about.

Ever Hopeful

I am ever hopeful the clouds break just a bit more ...



-- Post From DWNTWN's iPhone

The World is a Playground

Playground equipment has changed considerably since I was a child.
They are colorful...

Larger than life...
Safety conscious structures...

They seem to be better suited for the kids of today...
I remember my generation just playing, a simple, easy, creative kind of play.

Today's children seem to need to be entertained, even on the playground.

I don't mean to say that one is better than the other.
The differences seem to reflect the differences in the generations.

But it has gotten me to thinking, reflecting, photographing, and writing.

Mid Winter Sun

I haven't made time to blog much this week.
But I have managed to get out, explore, take some good pictures, detail my car, and go for a 'top-down' drive.
I have a couple of stories rolling around in my head that I need to get down on paper... So to speak.
Maybe I'll make time for that tonight or tomorrow.
But for now, this will have to do.






-- Post From DWNTWN's iPhone

Writing My Life

I need to write.

I am just not sure what to write about.... not yet.

Its in writing that I seem to learn what I know.

And in learning what I know I am able to recognize how I feel about it.

Whatever 'it' is.

Its also in writing that I feel listened to, I feel heard.

Its not that there aren't people in my life that listen to me. There are.

It is more about the voice inside me,

the voice in my heart,

the deepest part of my soul,

that is heard when I write.

I suppose writing is about me listening to myself and learning who I am.

As I approach 50 this year, I am in a place of rediscovering who I am.

I am looking ahead, but not without glancing back in the rear view mirror for reflections on where I have been.

All of my adult life I have been a mother.

It has defined who I am, what I do, and how I think for nearly 30 years.
Now my role as a mother is transitioning from constant caring for babies, toddlers, and pre-teens to guiding teenagers and young adults when they decide they need me.

I am heading into an unfamiliar place as a person and as a mom.

Writing will be a must.

  .

OMEA, Titans Choir and a Bus Ride to Eugene.

Today I will be riding along with the Titan Choir to the OMEA in Eugene.

I wasn't entirely sure what the OMEA was and had to google it.

All I knew was that it was a big deal to Caroline and a big deal for the Titan Choir at West Salem High School.  It is such a big deal that there were numerous emails from the Choir director Mr. Angelo, who likes to refer to himself as 'Jello', regarding the event and appropriate behavior.

"Given the "importance" and "honor" of performing this concert, be sure that you are dressed appropriately and look good. (comb your hair, pin back hair to keep it "off the eyes & face"). 

We want to represent West as well as we possibly can. You all have worked hard for this concert.

You have a lot to be proud of when we stand up on stage and sing for this audience.

Let's offer them an experience they'll never forget.
 The concert is at 3:00 pm in the Soreng Theatre at the Hult Center for the Performing Arts. 

We will be sharing the 3:00 pm concert hour with the UO Chamber Choir.  We will be performing:

All That Hath Life and Breath Praise Ye The Lord
Children of the Heavenly Father
Hodie Christus Natus Est
MLK

Little Potato

There were also detailed instructions on when to eat lunch, when to get their Choir robes, when to get on and off the bus, and what to bring along for the trip. 

"During A Lunch, please accomplish the following:
        - eat lunch
        - change into "blacks", if not in them already.

You need to be in your blacks before coming to p.6 at 11:22.
Once you have eaten and changed, Kiara and Rachel will be ready to give out robes.

You will pick up a stole from the robe team once we have arrived in Eugene.

After everyone is robed we will warm up together and talk through our performance in Eugene.

We depart West at 12:30 pm.

Our sound check, and stage placement time begins at 2:00 in Soreng theatre.

We perform at 3:00, then return to West by 5:00 pm."

 

I'm not exactly sure what I signed up for today as a chaperone for the Titan Choir road trip to OMEA in Eugene.  

I was never in choir, and I don't recall any bus trips for my high school basketball or softball team. We just got to the events on our own.  

But I know this is extremely important to Caroline and someone named 'Jello'.  

And for some reason, Caroline is excited to have me come along.

I just hope I don't embarrass her in front of her friends and classmates.  

So I better go shower.  I need to look good, remember to comb my hair, and find something black (and appropriate) to wear.

 

Wednesday Wonderings

Well here it is Wednesday already. We are almost half way through the month of January and I have already forgotten what my New Year's resolution was supposed to be.

I missed blogging yesterday and this morning. When I don't make time to write, my mind seems to get clogged with numerous amounts of nonsensical thoughts.

So amidst the basketball games I am following (KU and Blazers.  WSU already won!)

and the online bill paying I am trying to accomplish,

I thought I would jot down a few things that I am wondering about and hope that helps clear my mind.

• I wonder what is going on with KU's basketball team and why they are struggling to beat Nebraska.
• I wonder why a package that was shipped via UPS on Jan 5 and tracked to be on the truck for delivery since Jan 11th hasn't arrived yet.
• I wonder if the bowling tips I watched online will help my game tomorrow when I join my sister for a few games.
• I wonder if the family living in our house in Kearney will ever pay rent.
• I wonder if you see a penny and pick it up, will you really have good luck all day?
• I wonder if I should have bought a lottery ticket today because I saw a penny and picked it up.
• I wonder what it will be like to ride the West Salem high school bus with the Titan Choir to Eugene on Friday.
• I wonder if anyone notices the closet cleaning I have been doing around the house.
• And I wonder what the weather will be like when I head to Nebraska in 2 weeks.
  

The problem with wondering about things is it just raises more questions in my head.

I don't have any answers.  I can't make a list of the things I wonder about and cross them off. At least I can't get answers or cross them off of an imaginary list before I go to bed tonight.

So today will remain another Wednesday that leaves me wondering.

Organization & Time Management

Well today was my first day at home since Christmas break ended & the adult kids went back to Kansas and Nebraska. 

It was just me.

I was left to myself.

And now I am certain that that I need some help getting organized & managing my time.

Here it is a bit after 2:30 in the afternoon and I have been in and out of the house, run a few errands, did a couple loads of laundry, picked up a prescription, and had an unsuccessful trip to the store to find some casual shoes.

Some women struggle to find a good fitting pair of jeans.  

Me... I can't seem to find shoes for my big feet.

In all fairness I did spend 2 hours this morning at a Family Support Team meeting for Habitat, but I am afraid the remainder of my day is an indication of what I fear the most about being unemployed and unscheduled.

I don't want to fall into a void where days go by and I barely accomplish anything meaningful.

So I hope to get the garage cleaned out this afternoon, re-gain access to my treadmill with the intent to use it at least 3 times a week, (M-W-F would be a good start), and I need to finish my laundry.  

I hope to blog a bit each day, and I hope it will be meaningful... or at least meaningful for me.

Good-byes

Well, as of 10:10 am this morning, Brad and Aimee were winging their way back to Kansas via Southwest Airlines.

  I know they were both anxious to be heading home. After all they have been here 3 weeks and a day.  But I think there was a bit of nervousness surrounding the cold snap that has moved through the area.

Good byes are always difficult around here.

Especially when the good byes are being said with the family members that we don't see as often.  

 

I guess in the back of my mind is always the thought that this could be the last time we see them.

I don't mean that in a morbid way, although it does sound a bit morbid.

But I mean that simply as an awareness that life is precious and fragile and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

So I anxiously await the news that the plane has landed safely at MCI at 3:35pm.  Then I can anxiously await the news that Brad makes the drive back to Lincoln safe and sound.

If if tomorrow comes for me, I will begin exploring my life's options.

January Sunrise

January 7th ... (today is my neice Ellary's birthday!)

And it is the last day Brad and Aimee will be here for Christmas break.
They have to head home tomorrow and that makes me sad.



However, I am glad the day is beginning with a wonderful sunrise and temperatures will be in the mid 50's.
It should be a great day for Aimee to fly a stunt kite and for me to do some beach combing.



I miss family & friends back in the plains terribly and look forward to seeing them in 3 weeks. I find myself feeling a little guilty about the cold weather they are enduring while we are blessed with a mild winter.
But mostly I pray it warms up soon in Nebraska!
I don't think I have a coat to keep me warm enough for -15 degree weather with -35 wind chill!

It's been a good week...
Monday was hiking in the mountains,
Wednesday walking through the Hawthorne district & window shopping,
today the coast and beach combing.
I can't complain!

Next week I will be forced to face the reality of being unemployed and what I am supposed to 'do' or 'be'.

Simple Pleasures

Today I had the simple pleasure of spending time with 3 of my oldest 4 children.

Brad and I took Aimee to Portland so she could take the GRE exam.
While waiting we went to Ikea, Target, the Bridgeport Ale house on Hawthorne
and made a quick stop by my sister's house.

Then we met Lindsey for a quick bite at Burgerville!

I am counting down the days until I get to see Melissa again.
Its been too long!

Tonight has been relaxing with tacos and beer while watching a recap of the KU / Cornell game.

Tomorrow the coast!

Seasons of life...

I have often heard it said,
Life is like a game of chance; you win some, you lose some.
I've also heard,
Life is a battlefield; you better get the enemy before the enemy gets you.

I suppose there can be some truth in those concepts, but I have been reflecting on the idea that life is like the Seasons. Life is not a battlefield nor a game of chance, but it is something rich, vibrant, and ever changing.



Life cycles through the seasons in all aspects; relationships, work, family, even health.
I am trying to decide what season I am in at this time in my life in terms of my life's work.
Am I in Fall when life begins to fade and go dormant in preparation for the harshness of winter?
Or am I already in winter where things are still and quiet giving time for reflection before Spring comes with all its new growth?
Maybe I am coming out of winter and heading into the rainy season of spring.
One thing I know... it doesn't feel like I am in the season of summer.



I think if I lived on a farm or out in the country it would be easier to embrace and live this idea of having Seasons of life. But I live in the city around the hustle and bustle of life where what we do and how we behave is geared more towards manufacturing than agriculture. I live in a world that thinks more about how you 'make' your life, than how you 'grow' your life.


I think I have already tried to 'make' my life.
And I haven't always done a very good job.
I need to take some time to let my life grow.
It is kind of scary to think about letting go.
...of letting life grow without control.
What if all I get are weeds?
What if I kill all the new growth?




But if I rely on hope,
If I lean on trust,
If I have faith that God can grow in me,
Then perhaps I will grow into something the world needs.
Or at least something my family needs.

29 years!

Today is Melissa's 29th birthday.
In so many ways it doesn't seem possible.
Where did the years go?
Has that much time passed?

And in so many other ways, I can't remember life without her. It seems like yesterday I was 19 and expecting my first baby.
I was young enough to not be scared.
I believed I could handle anything.

Sometimes that might be the best way to go through life;
not fully knowing whats ahead so that one can believe anything is possible.

29 years ago, when Melissa was born, I was working full time and helping Jeff through school.
We could only afford 2 weeks off before I would have to head back to work.

I was blessed to be supported by so many loving and experienced parents.
My mom agreed to watch Melissa for the first few months of her life while I worked.
I don't know what I would have done otherwise.


Before we could turn around she was in grade school and seemed so grown up.

Melissa had all the characteristics of a first born: determined, competitive, assertive, very energetic and ambitious.

There was no telling Melissa 'no'.

And before we knew it she was graduating.

Our oldest was leaving home.

We wondered if we had done enough.

Or if what we had done was good enough.

Melissa has grown into a beautiful young woman, wife, mother, and educator. By the Grace of God I think as parents we did a fair job.



I don't have words to express how proud I am of Melissa and all our kids.
But there is something about watching your child become a parent, and parent young ones even better than you believe you yourself have done that is amazing.




Amazing,
and incredible,
and well....
like watching a miracle take place right before you.


This past year Melissa got her Masters degree! I admire my daughter so much for that. I know how hard school is while working and parenting. I wasn't able to do all three. But Melissa did! Maybe it was the 1st born characteristics that helped. I also realize how supportive her husband must be to give her the time, encouragement, and love it takes to accomplish this.

Melissa I wish you a very Happy Birthday and all the blessings you deserve!