Celebrating Birthdays

In the past ten days we have had two family birthdays to celebrate. We have always celebrated birthdays with just us, just family. On a few occasions perhaps friends or our parish priest would join us, or once in a while extended family were in town, but for the most part only our immediate family made the guest list.

Now we are in Oregon. I never thought much about how things would be different in terms of birthday celebrations. After all, we never invited a lot of people. However this past month brought two Birthdays, and two very different celebrations.

I imagine most people think of a family of seven as a large family, but to us it feels small. With Lindsey away, we only numbered six. Six of us gathered around a homemade cake to sing happy birthday and watch Alex blow out all 15 candles. As much as we tried to be enthusiastic and sing with our best voices, it seemed to lack something more than the correct pitch or tone.



Eight days later we gathered around a cake and prepared to sing and watch Laura blow out her nine candles. It took several attempts, but she accomplished her task and is waiting to see if her wish comes true.




Same kitchen, same type of cake, similar candles, yet vastly different celebrations. This time we numbered ten! Lindsey was back and in addition Brad, Aimee and Mike flew in from Nebraska. I have always been surrounded by family. And as chaotic as life can be in a large household, it is a wonderful way to celebrate.

We all went to 11:00 Mass on Sunday and nearly filled the pew. Having so many of us there together felt familiar, it felt more like home, yet it also left me with an emptiness. An empty feeling from knowing our family time wasn't complete without Melissa and Justin. An emptiness knowing that this was only temporary and in a few days we would be back to a family of 7.

I don't know how to adjust to this new life. I don't suppose there is anyway to fill the hole that comes from being separated from my children. And even if I could fill the hole, or fill the emptiness I feel, I don't think I would. The emptiness, the sadness, the loss I feel also makes me incredibly aware of how much I love them. It makes me appreciate all the more how they have grown to be such wonderful young adults and how proud I am to call them my children.

I suppose this is one of those situations where people would tell me, "give it time, it will get better" and I suppose that is true. In time we will adjust to our smaller family size and we will need to continue to adjust as more children leave and go to live their own lives, But I hope that I always feel just enough emptiness to know how full and rich my life is because of family.