Never enough time

There never seems to be enough time to get accomplished what you set out to accomplish.
Today is my last day here in Kearney.

I still haven't finished weeding the garden and laying down mulch.

We moved Melissa's classroom,
but haven't been able to set up her new space.

The laundry is never done, but at least it is caught up.

I haven't had enough time to play with my grandsons or just visit with my daughter.

Even though there is so much left to get done here....
I need to get back to Salem.

There is so much to do for my family in Oregon.
I've already missed Alex's 17th birthday and if I don't leave soon I will miss Laura's 11th birthday.

Kids grow up so fast and before I know it Cale will be filling his daddy's shoes that are so big right now.

So I need to pack and prepare for leaving yet still tend to the ones here in Kearney.

I feel as if I am living two lives, I am living in two very different worlds. It is like I have one foot in Nebraska and the other foot in Oregon trying to keep both doors open.

I know Jeff would like me to have both feet in Oregon. But I can't seem to figure out how to do that. To me it feels as though my foot in Nebraska is keeping the door open to the lives of my adult children and now my two grand children. That is a door that is too important to let close on my life.

So I feel spread out, sometimes stretched and torn, almost torn apart, as I try to hang on to both worlds and the lives in them.

I have struggled lately trying to find my spirit, my place in life, wondering where I am supposed to be, but maybe I am now realizing that I am supposed to be unsettled. I need to be searching and unsettled because it causes me to rely and trust more on God to help me manage and find my way.


Well,
This blog went in an entirely different direction than I intended. I wanted to just share about the kids and some of the fun I've had this week and my excitement at heading home.

But that is why I blog, it helps me reflect and through reflection sometimes comes self revelation.

Not that I have answers yet to help me with my searching,
but I at least have better understanding.

I am running late and now I certainly won't have enough time for all I want to accomplish today, but this blog was good for me.

See you in Oregon....