Faithfulness

Faith;
* confidence or trust in a person or thing,
* a belief that is not based on truth,
* a belief in a God or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion.

I have had a most faithful week by any and/or all definitions.
This faithfulness has not come easy at times, while in other moments it came most naturally and was quite comfortable.

Caring for my dad who has been battling a fever of unknown origin for 2 months now has me relying on faith in varied ways;
faith in the Doctor's and the decisions they are making,
faith in the staff who cares for him,
faith in myself as I support and give care,
and faith in a God who loves us and guides us through life here as we know it.

In my moments of strength I am more confident, faith filled, and trusting that answers are just around the corner.
In moments of strength it's easy to believe in the near future these health concerns will be a faint memory and soon my dad will be back to his usual ornery self.

In moments of weakness I am filled with uncertainty, I doubt and am filled with fear.
In moments of weakness I struggle to know what is right, if dad will be able to recover, but most of all I fear losing my dad.

Tonight it feels like he is slipping farther & farther away from this life as we know it.
I have worked to maintain a positive attitude and cheery tone in my voice, trying to hide my fears and my tears from dad.
And I have prayed,
A lot!

My faithfulness to this God I can't see is there,
I know it,
I feel it,
I need it.

I went to Mass right here in the St. Francis hospital chapel, a chapel I used to go to on occasion as a child and young adult.
As much as the hospital has grown and changed in the past 30 years, the chapel remains in the center of the now Via Christi Medical Center, nearly unchanged.




There is comfort in the familiar in times of doubt, uncertainty, and fear.
It is my faith I lean on that helps me stay strong.

Dad's last 2 days have not been good. He is so weak, his fever seldom subsides, and he is only somewhat aware of his surroundings.
Yet this evening when Fr. Jerome stopped by dad was his most alert, and was able to converse with Fr.

Fr. administered the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, gave dad a new rosary and prayer card. I hung them up where he would see them when he opened his eyes.
Then dad managed to eat his pie with vanilla ice cream of course!

I am blessed to be here with him at this time and share in this stage of my dad's life even as difficult as it has been.

I know God's Grace more intimately because of my week spent with my dad.
This time here in Wichita has been an awesome gift!
It will be very difficult to leave without some answers and some hope.
But I am trying to remain faithful and remember that scripture doesn't say,
'Be still and know WHY.
it says
Be still and know I am God

Tonight has been another difficult night for dad, which is why I am blogging at 3:40am.
He is restless after throwing up and I am fearful of him aspirating.

So it goes...


P.S.
It's now just after 5am.
I awoke from a 'bad' dream to find dad throwing up again. But I didn't even mind because real life was a much better scenario than the fears of my subconscious.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:St Francis N,Wichita,United States