Finding My Power

Today was my 3rd day and this is my 2nd overnighter caring for my dad.


I am in awe and admiration of my Mom and siblings who have been doing this for weeks now.

I am fatigued, frustrated, and finding myself lacking in the skills needed for this task.

Someone once told me they didn't think I was a very mothering/nursing type.
I will admit to being hurt by that observation at the time.
I am a bit older and a little wiser now and can admit that they were right.

Care giving is not my gift.
That is not to say that I don't feel blessed to be here with my dad.
I do!
I wouldn't be anywhere else right now.
However, I can recognize I am not the best at caring for the sick.

In the late night hours, by the light of my cell phone, I am trying to re-read parts of the book, The Art of Power.
This book helps ground me.
It reminds me to be faithful.
It brings me peace of mind.

One of my favorite quotes (perhaps I blogged about this in the past) is:

"To be beautiful means to be yourself.
You don't need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself....
True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself,
accepting yourself,
having confidence in yourself."



I needed to see this quote again.

I now understand and can readily admit that caregiver is not necessarily my forte.
And I'm okay saying that.

I guess that means I am moving towards self acceptance.

Now I just need to work on having confidence in myself.

But for now, I need to get my contacts out and try to rest while dad is semi-asleep.

Tomorrow I'll work on continued self acceptance and that elusive confidence.


And I hope to manage enough time for a nice hot shower!


The surgery for dad didn't happen today.
As he was on the surgical table awaiting the final phase of anesthesia, the surgeon was called out for another emergency.
Dad has been rescheduled for Monday. That means at least an additional week here in the hospital.

It takes a long time for one patient to become well known in a hospital.
Usually patients are referred to as 'the patient in room 7057' because they come and go so frequently.
But unfortunately not my dad.
He has been here so long everyone knows his name.
Dad has been here for a month plus more.
Even I have lost track of the time.
Sadly, I think this place is becoming his "Cheers."

I hope I can find my power and peace so I can share that with my dad and those who care for him.


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