Career/Job/Work?

I think of career/job/work in these terms,
A career is something you look for, learn for, and enjoy.
A job is something that finds you.
You can love a job too, but often times a job just happens.
Work is something you don't necessarily like, but you hang onto because it pays the bills.
I have been trying to discern how I feel about my job.
There is no doubt that this job found me.
I wasn't looking for it.
I have had no training, nor have I studied for this. It just kind of landed in my lap.
The challenge is sorting out why it found me so easily and what do I do about the many aspects of this job that have become work.

I used to have a career that I loved, a career that I not only was trained in, but had many gifts and skills that enhanced my training and education. It was also my environment for ministry.

I sometimes long for my career, for what was comfortable, for what was familiar, for what energized me. But I am not sure I can go back.

And, Is it even really going backwards?

Or am I supposed to continue to go forward in this job, learning more, understanding more, until it becomes my career?

I continue to discern all this and more....

28 years

Last Friday, august 22nd, was my/our 28th wedding anniversary.
We've had a great 4 days celebrating with family and friends.

As we now drive home from Seattle, my mind vasillates from the past to the future.
I think of our friends, Nick & Marsha, who we've known for 18+ years and shared so many great adventures with,
And I wonder why they have to move to Florida?

Why Florida?
Why so far away?

We met in Wichita what seems like a lifetime ago. Our families intermingled and shared in so much fun.

When we moved to Kearney, it was hard, but 5 hours of driving distance between us was manageble.
They moved to Seattle, a little farther distance, but we managed to stay in touch largely due to Nick being a pilot and being able to fly to see us.
Then we moved to Salem narrowing the distance to a 4 hour drive or a 1 hour flight.

Now... It appears they will move to Florida.

Jobs change.
People move.
Life takes new shape.

But I know the bond remains, always.

My Opinion...?

I don't recall too many people asking for my opinion over the years.
Most of the time I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself.
I know what you are thinking....
Why do you have this blog then?

Well I started to blog because I need to write.
I never imagined sharing my thoughts with other people.

But I am getting off subject....
I just arrived home yesterday from my trip to Nebraska to find I was expected to write a guest opinion piece for the local newspaper.
The topic:  Raising a Community: Kids and Shelter.
The hard part: I had about 9 hours to complete the piece.
This wasn't exactly what I had anticipated squeezing in to my already swamped day.
But I tried.

Here is what I wrote:

I am new to the Salem community. I have lived here 25 months. I don’t know if living here 25 months is still considered new to other people, but I feel like a new member of this community. I lived in Wichita, Kansas for the first 396 months of my life and in Kearney, Nebraska for 152 months. I am now 573 months old and Salem is still new to me.

I refer to my life and where I have lived in months because one simple month can have a huge impact on one’s life. Think of how much a newborn changes in one month.
I know how a toddler can go from walking to running in a very short month.
In the life of a child one month is significant.

It was a short 3 months after I joined the Salem community when I sought out the local affiliate, Habitat for Humanity Mid Willamette Valley.
I began as a volunteer working with the Youth United program and leading young people on the build site.   It wasn’t long after I began volunteering that I entered my 12 month service as an AmeriCorps VISTA Volunteer with the Habitat. Now I am on staff with Habitat for Humanity Mid Willamette Valley serving as Program Manager. I got involved so quickly because I wanted to help provide other families what I was blessed with; a place to call home, a nice neighborhood where kids can play, and stable school opportunities. I know how important safe, decent, stable housing is to children. I want that for all children, not just my own children.

I have heard and seen the statistics on the importance of stable housing for children and families. I could quote you the numbers of success for homeowner children verses the children of families that only rent. All this information is easily found on the internet. We are proud of our volunteers, donors, supporters and families who have enabled our affiliate to house 62 families and over 200 children since 1991. The numbers, the facts, the statistics, and the studies are important to many people, but what has convinced me of the importance of stable housing for children comes from my first hand experience.

I know that children sleep better at night when they have a safe, dry, comfortable place to lay their head. Children learn more when they are able to stay in the same school and are familiar with their school environment. Children are healthier when their home is maintained and free from mice, cockroaches, lead poisoning and other such issues that more often come with substandard housing. Children are happier when affordable homeownership allows their parents enough money to also provide adequate and nutritious food.

That is what Habitat for Humanity works to do; partner with families to provide simple, decent, affordable housing where children can grow, learn and live in a safe community.
I am thankful that the community of Salem also cares about the children that live here.

Zachary

It is hard to believe my week here is over.
Zachary has grown and changed so much in 7 days.
That is such a short time.
I don't know when I will see him next,
but I am certain he will have grown by leaps and bounds.

Never enough time

There never seems to be enough time to get accomplished what you set out to accomplish.
Today is my last day here in Kearney.

I still haven't finished weeding the garden and laying down mulch.

We moved Melissa's classroom,
but haven't been able to set up her new space.

The laundry is never done, but at least it is caught up.

I haven't had enough time to play with my grandsons or just visit with my daughter.

Even though there is so much left to get done here....
I need to get back to Salem.

There is so much to do for my family in Oregon.
I've already missed Alex's 17th birthday and if I don't leave soon I will miss Laura's 11th birthday.

Kids grow up so fast and before I know it Cale will be filling his daddy's shoes that are so big right now.

So I need to pack and prepare for leaving yet still tend to the ones here in Kearney.

I feel as if I am living two lives, I am living in two very different worlds. It is like I have one foot in Nebraska and the other foot in Oregon trying to keep both doors open.

I know Jeff would like me to have both feet in Oregon. But I can't seem to figure out how to do that. To me it feels as though my foot in Nebraska is keeping the door open to the lives of my adult children and now my two grand children. That is a door that is too important to let close on my life.

So I feel spread out, sometimes stretched and torn, almost torn apart, as I try to hang on to both worlds and the lives in them.

I have struggled lately trying to find my spirit, my place in life, wondering where I am supposed to be, but maybe I am now realizing that I am supposed to be unsettled. I need to be searching and unsettled because it causes me to rely and trust more on God to help me manage and find my way.


Well,
This blog went in an entirely different direction than I intended. I wanted to just share about the kids and some of the fun I've had this week and my excitement at heading home.

But that is why I blog, it helps me reflect and through reflection sometimes comes self revelation.

Not that I have answers yet to help me with my searching,
but I at least have better understanding.

I am running late and now I certainly won't have enough time for all I want to accomplish today, but this blog was good for me.

See you in Oregon....

Meeting Zack

I've been a little busy lately.
I have been taking care of my daughter so she can take care of her new born son, Zachary Ryan.

In taking care of Melissa,

I have had the pleasure of taking care of Cale and Zachary as well.
Cale is incredibly proud of his new brother.
It is fun to watch this 18 month old assume the role of older brother and take it quite seriously.

I have just been doing the simple tasks of laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning, weeding the garden, warming bottles, changing diapers, and running errands. Then I leave early enough in the evening that they can be just be a family.

These are easy tasks that I mastered years ago, and I am happy to do so that Melissa can bond with her son. The more kids you have the more difficult it is to just sit and hold your new born. Many times in my life I wanted to just sit and hold my own child, but there was always work to be done and no one to do it. I was seldom able to just sit. So that is the gift I want to give my daughter, even if only for a week.
I hope my being here helps Melissa, just sit, hold, feed, snuggle and get to know her son, and if it does, then I have done a fairly good job of being a grandma.

1,059 Miles down, 463 to go

Well,
We have traveled over 1000 miles as of 9:30 tonight.
We have just under 500 left to go.

1500 miles...
And back again.

It was a beautiful, sunny, HOT day reaching temps of 100 plus.
We drove 'top down' much of the way and enjoyed it immensely.
The best part was being able to take in the whole sky as the sun set behind us.

We named the bird along the way.
We settled on Helios.

Helios is the brother of Eos, the Goddess of the Dawn.

So Helios watches over his sister, Eos and has kept her
and us,
safe...
and 'ticket-free'.

Road Trippin

Well,
So far, so good.
It's 12:40 my time...
1:40am local time.

I think I am finally unwinding from the day and heading to bed.

Earlier we stopped for a quick dinner at Wendy's and I ordered myself
a Happy Meal, Kids Meal, Fun Meal, .... Whatever Wendy's calls their
kids hamberger meal



Now we have a Mascot for our roadtrip!


He needs a name though....


I'll keep you posted.

1500 Miles

I am on my way to Kearney!

1500 Miles

I have so much to do,
It doesn’t mean a thing,
But just the thought of you,
Is enough to make me sing.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

1500 miles is not too far to go,
Just to make you smile,
Just to let you know,

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

And there isn’t anything,
In the whole world I can bring,
Any feeling close to being close to you

Nothing can keep me away from you,
As long as I’m alive.
I would lay my life down,
To be there by your side.

Nothing can keep me away from you,
No distance is too grand,
I would travel the ocean,
To be there to hold your hand.

Melissa, I love you and will see you and the boys in a few days!

Summer time...

This summer has been quite busy.
Mostly it has been busy in a good way.
There have been so many graduations and weddings, celebrations and family gatherings, that have brought us together with family and friends.
It has been fun. I have no regrets in spite of our hectic pace.
Even going through my surgery and attending Cherie's funeral brought me together with family in a positive way.

But today...
I am tired.
Physically I know I need more rest, but I am mostly feeling emotionally tired.

As the end of July approaches and August looms large in the foreground I look at my calendar and see that I will be gone every weekend in August.

I am not wishing away all the good things to come in the next 30plus days, but I do find myself looking forward to the fall months and a slower pace of life.

I haven't had much time to myself. I am beginning to wonder when there will be time to rest, to relax, to unwind. But just when I get to the edge of feeling sorry for myself and wonder, when I will be able to do what I want,
I hear Jim saying,
"Julie, it isn't about you."

When I got married....
When I became a parent,
When I became a parent of eight children,
When I became committed to working for non-profits,
I gave up having much time to do for myself.

And for the most part, that is okay with me.
But for today, I am tired, I am emotionally drained, and I complain.

However, Tomorrow will be better.
As I make lists, get the house in order and spend time with Jeff before I leave,
I trust he will be okay
As I shop for groceries for the kids left behind and organize events and activities while I am out of town,
I hope they will be okay.
As I finish up some paperwork in the office and get the work groups organized,
I pray all will be okay.
As I pack to leave for Nebraska on Thursday and I look over my daughter's list of 'to-do's' for me to complete while I am in Kearney,
I have faith that she will be okay.

And ultimately I believe that I will be okay.

July 22, 2008

Shortly after I posted my last blog I learned that Miechelle's mom passed away this morning.

July 22, 2008 - two women who were loved by many passed away within 15 minutes of each other, leaving many family and friends grieving.

I wonder if Cherie and Beverly reached that place we call heaven at the same time?

I wonder if they know there is a connection between them here on earth?

I wonder...

Life and Death

It is with great sadness that I take to the computer this morning.
Jeff's sister, Cherie passed away a couple of hours ago.

I don't know yet what to say, where to begin, or how to comfort Jeff and his family.
So I have been laying in bed, just praying.
Now I need to write. Writing helps me to process, to sort out my feelings, to face situations a little better.

Cherie was 49 years old. She had been battling cancer since late February 2006. I remember when her battle began because she was trying to reach Jeff to tell him as he was driving across country to begin his new job here in Salem.

It has been a long and difficult fight, but Cherie's fight is now over.

My faith teaches me that she is in a wonderful place, that she has joined the communion of saints that have gone before her, that the God that I believe in has greeted her with open arms, with love, and with forgiveness. I imagine Cherie is experiencing the exquisite joy and love that comes only from being in God's presence.

That is the Life part. The belief in an everlasting life that transforms us as we move from life here to eternal life.

Those of us left behind that love Cherie, and will miss Cherie, we are the ones that struggle with the Death part. Especially John her husband, Gary and Earline her parents, Jeff, Debbie, Kim and Chris her siblings, Shannon and Josh her children, and so many others now struggle to find a way to fill the emptiness in their hearts. Death is the hard part left for those who are still living here.

It is for those left behind that I pray the most.

The past three weeks...

There is so much in my head that I want to blog about, but I have to share my family reunion first. Over 30 members of the Ranney family converged on Florence Oregon for a week of celebration.

Some of us started out from Salem and Portland. Others drove in from Kansas.
It was amazing to see how much the kids had grown. The cousins had a great time getting together and playing games. It had been a long 2 1/2 years since they had seen one another.
We also enjoyed watching the youngest generation play together.

There was time for lots of fun and lots of hugs.
Much of our time was spent just hanging out.
Playing catch, Ladder Ball, horseshoes, washers....
And trying to figure out what happened on Banshee hill.
There was even time for iPhone lessons.

We took an afternoon and went to ride the Bumper cars.


and the Bumper Boats, leaving some with some fairly wet butts.
We made time to go to the beach and play in the sand despite the wind.
Our last outing with the sand toys was windy and cold, but well worth the effort.
All in all it was a great week.
Family Reunions only roll around for the Ranney Family every 5 years. Most of us were there, and those that weren't were missed, but we held them close in spirit and in prayer.

We were especially thankful to hear that the newest member Zachary Ryan Herrmann joined the family on July 10, 2008 at about 8pm central time as the rest of us were gathered for dinner.

Welcome Zach! We hope you can join us for the next reunion along with your big brother and your mom and dad.

building homes, fulfilling dreams

In about 36 hours I have to speak at a fundraising breakfast. I am filling in for my Exec Director while he is on vacation with his family. I hate doing these kind of things, but it is necessary in our ongoing efforts to raise money for our current build.

I am just a shy little girl from Kansas, still wondering how she ended up in Salem Oregon. I have been here two years as of yesterday.

I didn’t travel at all when I was a kid. Not unless you count a 30 minute trip west of town to go camping at Lake Cheney.
I was 30 years old before I ever got on an airplane.

But I have made up for it in my adult life. In the past 15 years or so I have been to Chicago and seen the Sears Tower.
I have seen the space needle in Seattle,
Coit Tower in San Francisco and crossed the Golden gate Bridge by car and on foot.
I’ve seen 3 Frank Lloyd Wright houses. And I’ve been in the book depository in Dallas.
I’ve seen the Oklahoma City Memorial and been to the top of the St. Louis Arch…
3 times, no wait... 4 times.

In my limited travels I have seen some wonderful architecture, buildings and homes.

Yet all of these structures pale in comparison to what I have seen on Evergreen Ct., Wendy St. and now Ford St. in Salem Oregon.

There is something about watching a home go up that brings tears to my eyes, and joy to my heart.

The awe, and the wonder, that go through me when I watch walls being raised pale in comparison to standing before the greatest structures in the world.
There is something about knowing that you are building with a family, and housing a family, that surpasses any work designed by any architect, or constructed by any company.



Being on the build site is what I enjoy the most. But raising money so we can build is just as important as driving in the nails. So I will get up early on Saturday morning and instead of heading to Ford St I will go to St. Mark's and do my best to not be nervous, or shy and bring in a few more dollars so that the Flores family can be in their first home before Christmas.

In need of some favorite things...

I am in such need of


sunshine,

a roadtrip,

and some sand!


Maybe this weekend!

Everybody needs a little help

Everybody needs a little help now and then.
And sometimes it comes in the form of an adult beverage that has a way of smoothing out the rough edges.
Tonight my help came in the form of Rogue Brewery's seasonal Malt Liquor known as Dad's Little Helper. I think it is mislabeled!

Hiding or the only place to call my own?

My mind is so cluttered right now I don't even know where to begin, how to begin or if I should just post this photo and leave it at that.


I need to write to let go of these tumultuous feelings inside me tonight.

I don't even know why I came up with the word tumultuous other than it seemed to be the most accurate.

Now I am wondering what tumultuous actual means. I wonder if it is an accurate description of how I am feeling.

Hang on a second....

Yup... That is what I thought.

It is accurate.

1 Tumult:
a: disorderly agitation or milling about of a crowd usually with uproar and confusion of voices : commotion
b: a turbulent uprising : violent agitation of mind or feelings

So I have chosen to hide out in my room. I am sitting on the floor, leaning back against my bed, with my computer in my lap, and my feet on the window sill looking out over my backyard, and the city that lies beyond wondering what the hell just happened to my life.

I know that I am being a bit over dramatic and tomorrow I will wake up, breathe in and out, and start all over again.

But this evening, right now, I feel tumultuous. Life in my house feels out of control. There is definately a disorderly agitation of bodies milling all about. The uproar and confusion is causing a commotion.

And if I can't get my house and my life back soon then there will definitely be a turbulent uprising and I might just have to get violent.

For those few friends that check my blog you most likely already know that I have a houseful of kids this summer. More than the usual 4. There are 6 kids back under our roof, all day, every day. There is a 7th that supposedly moved to a new apartment across town, yet 75% of her possessions are in my house, garage, and on my front porch.

In two days we have an 8th and 9th coming to visit for a week.
And in three days we have extended family come as well.


I was/am excited to be with and around family.

But when I arrived home from work at 5:30 this evening everything came crashing down around me.
I didn't see this coming.
It felt like I was tumbling down into some dark place that I might not be able to climb out of.

I am a little better right now. The tears have stopped and I can talk/write about it.
I called my sister in the midst of my 'melt down' and she helped me breathe and gain some perspective.

Writing always helps me too.

Talking and writing don't solve anything.
I still have a house full of kids with more demands than I can meet.
I still have more family coming in 2 and 3 days.
I still have some feelings milling around wanting to be 'disorderly and agitated'.

But I am better.

And Tomorrow I will probably be

F.I.N.E.

The month of May in snapshots...

Brad Graduated from UNL and I was blessed to be there for him.



I was 30 years old before I ever flew on a plane.
Our younger kids are becoming quite adept at air travel at a much younger age!


One of the best things about being in Kearney....
Great converstation over good brews!



My mom taught me many things for which I am grateful,
but rising to the surface the night before Aimee's wedding...
my skills for sewing and being flexible.



Amidst all the commotion and chaos there must be time for napping!



Just enough time for last minute make-up before the wedding.




After many years of dating (since Sophomore in high school)
Mike and Aimee are married!


It doesn't seem that long ago that my dad gave me away on my wedding day.



No Brown celebration is complete without an appearance from Elvis!
Thanks Matt! You are the best!


Sometimes people come into your life in the most odd ways.
Meeting Trevor has been a blessing in so many ways,
it can only be attributed to the Holy Spirit.


There is a unique bond between firefighters that most people will never understand.


What binds friends together is sometimes obvious and other times a mystery.
But whether it is obvious or not, some bonds will last a lifetime.


The best of friends will always find a way to make you feel at home.


Of all the activities we have enjoyed as a family,
just hanging out in the backyard is probably one of our favorites.


Road trips take you to many unusual places; physically, mentally and emotionally.
So why not start off a road trip with a visit to Carhenge?


Mount Rushmore....


Devils Tower...



Yellowstone....


Old Faithful....


Grand Tetons....



And Somewhere in Oregon...
there is still an old fashioned phone booth at a rest area.



Finally, when back at home, there must be time for planting and setting down roots.


I can't help but wonder what June has in store for me.