Inspirations ...4 years later

Four years ago today I began this blog.

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html

In rereading and recalling what I was feeling 4 years ago preparing for 'the big move' I have to ask myself,
How am I doing?
Is my spirit free, inspired and feeling blessed,
or am I still dodging that caged feeling?
Where do my inspirations come from now?
When have I felt inspired recently?
Am I seeing all the blessings in my life?

I know most of the answers are contained in my own perspective.
Its all about choices and how I choose to view life.

I continue to be blessed with good friends and I am thankful that they continue to be a source of inspiration and blessing in my life.  I was afraid that in moving so far away that we would lose touch.
I am glad my fears were unfounded.
My recent visits with Miechelle and Krista went a long way towards feeding my soul and lifting my spirit.  I liked being able to share my favorite places with them. 
There are so many other friends that I don't see often enough and I hope can make their way west someday, but regardless of the distance I know our friendships and bonds will continue to thrive.

The past 6 months have again been a time of transition for me.
Not in terms of where I reside physically, but certainly in terms of where my spirit resides.
I remember feeling restless and uncertain prior to the move.
At one point even wishing I could call the whole thing off.
But with time (a few years in fact) I feel comfortable here.  It is now home.
In spite of feeling at home, my spirit remains restless and uncertain.

Being a stay at home mom again plays a role in my restlessness and I feel uncertain in this constantly changing family.
In many ways it feels like I have gone backwards to a previous time in my life, yet it isn't the same.
The old feeling of being stuck, the feeling of being trapped, and all the responsibility that goes with being at home with 8 young kids is lurking around the corner.
But those are old feelings that I don't have to own.
I am recognizing that Life is quite different as a stay at home mom of 4 fairly self sufficient teenagers.

I still have a lot to learn;
I have to learn how to just 'be' instead of 'doing' all the time.
I have to learn to listen more intently and look for what the needs are.
I have to learn to find value in myself through this changing parental role.
I have to learn how to feed my soul in this new life situation.

I know my spirit,
my soul,
is
still searching, still seeking, still learning.
I may never find that one place where I feel at peace, at rest.
Perhaps that is how it is supposed to be.
         (I guess my blog title still fits.)

 So ...
                               Its all good!